THE NINTH FACE OF STRUGGLE: MOTHER LOVE
“Sometimes a mother can give much, and this is beautiful for her relationship with her child—they are blessed indeed. However, there is much pain and heartache in the world, and many mothers cannot give their children the love, comfort, and nurture they desire from her for many reasons. Often transgenerational entanglements are found to be the core reason for such pain and heartache. Regardless of what your mother was able or not able to give you, you can become free to fully live the life your heart desires. In this lifetime you must face the painful spaces in your body, heart, and soul in order to transcend them and become happy and at peace. This includes facing the pain you experienced with your mother.” – Excerpt from chapter 14 of Understanding The Jesus Code
YOUR FIRST LOVE
We are all created to love and to be loved in return; however, sadly, many individuals have lost their connection to love due to heartache, pain, and trauma. To love another is a natural state for the human heart and the first love relationship we experience is with our mothers. We began our lives in our mother’s body and for nine months we experienced the world through her. Half of our DNA is from her and our experience with feminine love began with her. We only have one mother and she is the one whose body was so intimately offered to participate in the creation of our life. When she experienced joy our little bodies experienced joy, when she experienced heartache our little bodies experienced heartache as well. Her life experiences left an imprint on us that we will carry throughout our lifetime.
We are created to live in community and prior to our birth we are initially completely dependent on our mothers. As we grew we turned to her for love, nourishment, and comfort. However she was able to fulfill these needs a significant mark has been imbedded within us. The trials and life experiences she walked through before our conception played a part in molding her into the woman she was when she carried us. Given this, her story in large part becomes our story.
Sometimes a mother can give much and this is beautiful for her relationship with her child, they are blessed indeed. However, there is much pain and heartache in the world and many mothers cannot give to their children for a plethora of reasons – all which are born when love is pushed out. Even if all our mother was able to give was life itself, this is enough for us to be happy and experience a life full of abundance and blessings. As it is in this lifetime, we must face the painful spaces in our body, heart and soul before we can live the abundance our heart and soul cry out for.
As an unborn baby our brain developed inside a milieu of our mother’s emotions and the life experiences she experienced during her pregnancy with us. If she experienced emotions such as anxiety, depression, fear, or anger then the hormones flowing through her body also ran through ours. As a result our brains became entrained to such emotions and an attempt to recreate similar patterns later in life is likely to follow.
During the first nine months of life we frequently sought to bond with our mothers; however, this experience may have been thwarted if she was wounded. If our mother experienced emotional pain in her lifetime then it is very possible that she couldn’t fully bond with us as our hearts desired. Her brokenheartedness has separated her from expressing the motherly love we deeply desired. In turn, we were left with a heart wound and a sense of isolation began to fester. Given that our mother is our first love, the loss of her love is more painful than we can bare and such loss cuts to the core of our hearts. In an attempt to protect ourselves from this pain we find it necessary to create walls around our hearts. Unfortunately, these walls will eventually serve to interfere with the giving and receiving of love in all relationships in our lives – whether we are aware of it or not.
However, such a pattern can be interrupted and a new pattern is established if one is willing to do the work necessary. Such pattern interruption opens us to the feminine love God has for each and every one of us. Once opened, this love then heals as only love can and what God had originally intended for his children begins to unfold. A woman more fully connects with her own divine femininity and a man more fully draws near him a woman who embodies this type of love. The journey will lead us towards acceptance of our mother for who she is and an honoring of what she has carried. Additionally, it will also call us to release the false belief patterns we took on that are not in alignment with God’s plan for our lives – false beliefs that interfere with our giving and receiving of love and forgiveness.
So if anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation: everything old has passed away; see, everything has become new! – 2 Corinthians 5:17
While many suffer heart pain when our mothers cannot love easily, not all pregnant women are unable to bond with their unborn child! If our mother experienced life giving emotions of love, hope, joy, and forgiveness during her pregnancy with us then our brains received the biochemicals of such emotions. If she felt safe and secure in her life, if she was protected and provided for by our father and her family, then her body beautifully created the biochemical picture congruent with wellbeing and we became the beneficiary of such goodness in her life. As a result of such loving maternal experiences, our brain will likely seek subsequent relationships that match these emotions throughout our lifetime. Our mother’s feelings toward her pregnancy, towards our father, towards her own mother, towards her friends and towards God all play a part in our ability to give and receive love. If she was free to give and receive love then she, in return, passed this on to us. A child who is born into such a family has learned it is safe to offer love to his or her mother, their first love, and from here they find themselves offering love towards others in the world.
It is quite probable that your mother was somewhere in the middle while she was carrying you. Undoubtedly, she had heartaches that interfered with her full sharing of love in her life and this left a painful imprint on your heart; however, it is also likely that a part of her heart deeply desired to love you and she easily expressed this. Whatever she was able to give it is important to know that there is more fullness of life available to each and every one of us.
Through it all we can find a new way, a way to heal and allow the expansion of feminine love, of mother love in our lives so that a new pattern can be established for ourselves, for our mothers, for our children and for the generations that follow. A pattern where love flows easily and where brokenheartedness is no more. A pattern where we allow God to nourish and comfort us with all the love our hearts desire, a love that heals the wounds and tears down the walls we have created around our hearts.
Can a woman forget her nursing child, or show no compassion for the child of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. – Isaiah 49:15