A child coming into the world wants nothing more than to love and to be loved in return. A look at the smile on a newborns face reveals this truth. Unfortunately, many of us are born into families where loves has been frustrated to one degree or another. This diminished family love creates a void in a child’s heart that she (he) deeply yearns to fill. She will attempt to fill this void the best way she knows how, with her love. Her behavior is not that much different than the parent who tries to protect their child out of parental love. How many a parent would sacrifice their life for their child if this was required of them? A child, in like manner, will attempt to take on the pain of her loved one; her parent, her sibling, her grandparent and even her aunt or uncle. We must keep in mind that a child’s love is more innocent than an adult’s love. She hasn’t built up the many walls that hinder love, the walls humans create to protect themselves from the hurt of not being loved … yet. Given the innocence of her love she willingly sacrifices a great deal of herself.
However, the child is set up for failure because the pain of her loved one is not her pain to heal, it is the loved one’s pain to carry, transform and heal. It is her loved one who needs to offer the forgiveness and acceptance necessary for the transformation of heart to occur. Once the necessary forgiveness and acceptance occurs the child then becomes free to love as her pure heart desires.
The Root Cause
More than likely the root source of the pain occurred before the child was born into the family. Often the pain is the result of generational hurts going back who knows how far – the root of hurts such as unforgiveness, anger, betrayal, resentments, fear, shame, and guilt extend back to the original sin of Adam and Eve. So it is here, coming to peace with those who came before us that creates a space for our children to heal.
Unfortunately, as a result of the failed attempt to heal her loved one’s pain, the child will undoubtedly begin to take on false beliefs about herself. Beliefs that can affect how she sees herself in the world. Beliefs and patterns that she will more than likely pass down to future generations unless a change is made. Maybe you see yourself or a loved one here:
- I’m the blame
- It’s hopeless
- I’m not good enough
- I don’t belong
- I’m un-loveable
- I’ll never be free of this pain
- I can’t love mom without feeling her pain (same with dad and siblings)
- I’m responsible for my mother’s happiness, or my father’s
- If I take on their pain they can heal and then they will love me
- I need to be broken to receive love
- If they find out the truth about me they wouldn’t love me
- I can’t be happy without his or her love
- Men (or women) are not safe to be around
- The world isn’t safe
- People are out to get me
We are all meant to live a life full of joy and happiness. In order to live this life we must become free of the false and limiting beliefs that hold us back. I believe we are living in a unique time in history. A time where we are learning the truth, the truth that is the ticket to freedom and happiness. We are living in a time where we can finally turn this pain around so that our children, and the generations that follow, can experience a full life of joy. However, we must together take the steps necessary for the transformation to occur.
I invite you to join me as we begin to help the world heal, healing one family at a time, beginning with you and your family through forgiveness, acceptance and Family Constellations.
Until we all reach unity in faith and knowledge of the Son of God and form the perfect Man, fully mature with the fullness of Christ himself. Then we shall no longer be children, or tossed one way and another, and carried hither and thither by every new gust of teaching, at the mercy of all the tricks people play and their unscrupulousness in deliberate deception.
Ephesians 4: 13-15